Time optimism – I haven’t heard this expression before but I feel it captures really accurately what I’m struggling with as well.
This little nuisance makes me, too, feel like I constantly over-promise and under-deliver. And the more I stress about it, the worse I perform – a vicious circle that’s often so hard to break.

I recently learned this is a separate phenomenon called “time optimism”. I used to think those challenges fell under time blindness, but it’s actually slightly different.

Time optimism specifically refers to the inability to accurately estimate the amount of time necessary to complete a task and/or the amount of time one has available for a task, versus time blindness being the inability to accurately perceive the passage of time, especially when one is super engrossed in a task (hyperfixation).

It’s very interesting, and very frustrating, the layers to ADHD that a layperson, and even many of us diagnosed, are simply unaware of, as the consequences of these manifestations severely hinder us, and often have us seen as careless, unreliable, lazy, and irresponsible- often times even by ourselves.

thank you Kristie. this comment opened my eyes to a new path forward. I’ve been in ADHD hell for as long as I can remember, getting worse gradually, over the past maybe 10 years. I’m 49 now, and have become almost completely paralyzed with anxiety, depression, and severe ADHD symptoms. I’ve taken several different kinds of anti depressants but never have I thought about looking for a doctor tailored to my ADHD flavor of this. thank you so much. it’s difficult finding the proper care where I live in Seattle, wa. I don’t have a regular doctor and rely on Medicaid. if you know of anything in my area pls let me know 🙂. a longshot for sure but worth the ask. thanks again

this is happening to me right now. it gets worse the longer I wait to deal with it; whatever “it” may be. how are you dealing with everything? I’m new to this self discovery

Hi Troy, you shouldn’t be having these difficulties getting meds. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. Like someone else said, you SHOULDN’T need a character reference for meds, just a diagnosis. Do you have an official diagnosis? If not, start there with a therapist who specializes in ADHD. I have seen a ton of therapists and tried a ton of SSRI’s and none of it worked because it was not tailored to ADHD. Additionally, I personally have had horrible experiences with psychiatrists but found a psy arnp who specializes in ADHD who manages my meds-including Adderall. She even did labs and a gene map before even prescribing anything. She reinforced the ADHD diagnosis and also tested me for OCD. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you are working with professionals who are experienced with ADHD. Good luck and I hope you can get the help that you deserve!

Especially difficult the older I get. I’m in my fifties and I feel like the window for any real progress is going to slam shut never to be opened again.

Same…my issue is that I get so exhausted and either overwhelmed mentally/emotionally or bored out of my mind. (Which boredom is terrible because my racing mind goes into hyper speed!!) My problem is that as soon as make that decision to try to rest, I start getting these awful waves of anxiety that kick in right as I’m starting to dose off…it’s SOOO frustrating. I usually just give up and get up and continue to be exhausted either emotionally/mentally or bored to tears🙄🫩😔 Too bad these generic medications aren’t worth a crap anymore therefore hardly make a difference at this point 🤦🏽‍♀️

when I start a task I’m convinced I will complete it in record time, but find myself doing extra side tasks which then puts hours on top of my original time scale in turn making me feel absolutely deflated!!

I am in the same boat you are. My husband was diagnosed adhd decades ago and is on the max dosage. I have been depressed since I was about 13 and have tried half a dozen antidepressants. Currently on Wellbutrin xl 300 and celexa 20. I don’t cry all day or have gloom and doom thoughts or the negative loop playing in my head all day taking those, however, they don’t get me out of the bed unless it is something necessary like a Dr appt or to get dog food etc. when I take half of hubbys pill, I feel motivated. Hopeful, gratefulness comes over me. I want to do gardening and take the boat out. I don’t feel high. I don’t feel amped. My heart rate does sit in 100s for that 5-6 hours but what’s worst, laying in bed with potential for blood clots and atrophy of my muscles and no relationship with my friends or kids/grandkids? My mother is the same way. We cope by sleeping. Always have. I am overwhelmed and feel unsupported with tasks and that causes a shut down. Hubby doesn’t mind giving me money to do things or buy this or that, do upgrades that are overwhelming me such as an old house that needs repair or my body that could use some toning etc. no dr will prescribe me any form of ADHD med. it’s like I’m asking for OxyContin or morphine, I don’t want to get high. I don’t want to br in control of my actions at all times. It pisses me off but life goes on. Wish I had a therapist that could change my chemical wiring by telling me steps and methods but first I have to get out of bed and motivated enough to give a damn first. They don’t get it.

Sonia, I agree with you about sleeping. It is the only thing that works. It is like self-medicating but at the end of it all, you land into more trouble.

I can relate with this also. I get emotional dysregulation quite often. I get triggered by childhood trauma events and my brain just quits braining! Im currently IN a paralysis situation. A “person” that has insulted and belittled me in the past CALLED ME! When I saw that name on caller ID? My brain checked out!! No message was left. No! I did not answer. Nor did I respond to the call AT ALL.
I just thought THE NERVE !! Then that’s ALL I could think about. And I’ve been in a BRAIN PARALYSIS funk ever since. it’s been 6 days. Crap and chores are piling up.
I missed my Therapy session today. Trying to change settings to DO NOT DISTURB and accidentally cutoff the call I had been on hold for. Now THAT is all I can think about. Im just all jammed up.

Agree! The motivation and drive to do simple things

I’m sorry, this sounds so hard. Have you considered a psychiatrist in anoyher country? For example an English speaking psychiatrist in Greece or Poland that can help you and is much more affordable to do it on zoom. There is also ADHD coaching available, many english speaking coaches in other countries much more affordable.

ADHD is not the same for everyone. So to make comparisons is unfair. You may be struggling with things the other person did not have to contend with.

The only way to get dexies is to see a shrink. If u gonna take them, take them properly. Don’t ever have too many & then let yourself go without coz that’s really really not good for you.

Hi Troy – I don’t know what country you live in. I’ve never heard of needing character references for ADHD stimulant meds. That just (potentially) causes yet another barrier to help and possibly shame and unnecessary conflict/tension. I’m really sorry that is how things are where you live. I’m Canada, your family doctor can prescribe stimulant meds – or you can get them from a psychiatrist. I wish there weren’t additional barriers for you to get the help and support you need and deserve.
There’s an app called Dubbii, created by a couple where the wife has ADHD. It may help as you don’t have to create the lists, you just tick a box next to tasks you want to build into your day. The brain loves patterns and routines. And it gets easier when you consistently have one. Then you can also add additional tasks to ones you’re already doing (ex: start slow – wash the dishes when that becomes routine, add in – wipe down the counter. When that’s routine – add out away the dishes). They ought back ok each other as you build routine and expand your window of tolerance.
I wish you all the best.

I have no affiliations with the Dubbi app, I just discovered it myself and thought I’d share.

Hey Steve,
Many of us have not been officially diagnosed until later in life (46 for me), primarily because when we were kids ADD wasn’t really on the radar. Plus, I was never hyper-active, my mind was, but I had what’s known as “inattentive ADD”. So I always had to put my attention on other things, than just sitting, listening to teachers. I would write stuff, draw, look out the window, looking at the girls in class, etc. I always did well, as I could listen, while I did other stuff, and was never a discipline problem, so no one ever thought I needed any help.

So, you are likely just realizing that the issues you’ve had all your life, sound a whole lot like those of someone with ADD. What spurred me to seek a diagnosis was seeing a 60 Minutes segment, where a couple sought treatment for their son’s ADHD. In learning more about it, the father realized it sounded just like his life experience! So he sought a diagnosis, and in fact, was not surprised to discover he was ADHD. So it’s very common for middle-aged adults to realize this resonates with their lives, & get diagnosed. You should definitely look into it, it’s never too late…

Yes Rajesh, that is possible. As a professional musician, I believe that my ADD (I refuse to call it ADHD, because I am in no way hyper-active) has been an aid, as I believe my improvising skills, ability to come up with melodies, and aversion to playing songs or solos the same way, stem from ADD “symptoms”…

However, having been undiagnosed until nearly 50, I can look back and see so many times when scattered thinking sabotaged career moves that would have enabled me to both earn more money, and gain wider recognition. By the time I was diagnosed, after trying a handful of anti-depressants (to rule out depression), and various amphetamines, I’ve found that Adderall at least helps my brain waking up with the rest of me, as too often I’d wake up, but my mind felt like it would just not wake up, as well.

So, it was great to have an actual explanation as to why I could never complete projects (except at the very last minute), was disorganized, and unable to make good decisions, that I could see so clearly, in looking back, just not in the moment. And while the Adderall helped me think a little more clearly, it didn’t offer other benefits that most “regular people” feel when taking it, especially having more energy.

Thus, I still fall pray to what I’ve always called “the paralysis of will”, for it’s deeper than just not knowing what to do, or how to do it, or even putting off things we don’t want to do. In fact, my greatest frustration has been that I even put off things that I WANT to do, and enjoy doing! A good friend, also a musician, and also a psychiatrist, was also not sure why this occurred. He even said that while he normally wouldn’t work with a friend, that he’d be wiling to hlep me try to figure it out. So, of course, that was one more thing I should’ve done, but for some reason, filed it away, never to do!

And so in the 25 years or so since my diagnosis, I’ve read books, watched talks, online webinars, seen various psychiatrists & therapists, none of whom has ever helped me better deal with my ADD, beyond writing my regular prescriptions. I was a bit stunned at how many psychiatrists have been reduced to do nothing more than talking to patients, and writing prescriptions, which seemed pretty sad, even pathetic. To do so much schooling, only to sit and hand our prescriptions all day…

Oh well, good luck to all who know all too well, how our paralysis can’t be overcome with all these typical “tips”. That’s what every article or talk, concerning overcoming procrastination, paralysis, disorganization, & lack of time management all seem to do, give us the same general list of “tips”, that if we could do, would mean we don’t really have ADD…

You are very much correct. It is not about putting only things we don’t like about also the things which we like to do. Do you think people with ADHD can have a passion in which they can work for hours without demotivation?

After reading others comments, I see I’m not alone in finding breaking out of paralysis mode as a massive barrier to even contemplating the suggested strategies made and what we already know is supposed to help. It would be helpful and appreciated if there was more guidance on what to do once you’re in paralysis mode (feels like an oxymoron though I’m not sure I’m using that term correctly here, but you get what I mean right?) One step further from that, is it possible to be self aware we are approaching paralysis so we can break it f that loop before it sets in? The strategies suggested feel more geared towards preventing paralysis – unless you hit paralysis in one of the number of steps to break down said tasks and steps further.(Now it’s sounding more like my own process of falling down the rabbit hole of the chicken or the egg argument which then morphs into a hamster wheel thought pattern where dismounting is akin to hitting a wall after a high speed crash).

If anyone discovers where the circuit breaker switch is, please share!

Thanks for the information-packed comment Louise. Edited your post to get it approved.

Sooo much to unpack here…

Ok so firstly, we all agree paralysis is real & crippling and these comments prove that a whole persons life at any age is infiltrated with disadvantage in every aspect, – which then all make each others aspects worse and your in a steep & serious decline into your life falling apart. When that happens, AS IF you’re going to be able to go to the extreme effort it takes, to navigate the sh*t show that is the Uk neurotypical ableist social infrastructures of disability support. The system isn’t broke – it was built like this deliberately.

In the UK it takes years, and to know exactly what it *should* be doing and how your entitled to receive this, you need to be a 24/7 detective, an expert on neurodiversity social science and a disability lawyer!! After you’ve gathered all the intel, processed, analysed it and put together your case, you then have to fight your ass off with all neurotypical gatekeepers. Non of which have a clue about all of the above, and when you’ve got to this stage, you then need the determination of an Olympic athlete, to persevere in breaking down their unconscious biases & prejudices, to get them to think outside of the physical disability box. Unless your Ghandi, this will certainly trigger the emotions of the systemic disability discrimination that you encountered your whole life, numerous times a day – and all the self internalisation of that, that takes years to unlearn.
It’s then highly likely, their lack of knowledge and comprehension, will be deflected onto you, and any emotional reaction will be detrimental to achieving the outcome of accessing support.
If you have by any miracle come through all that, without severe (as in on the brink of combustion), health consequences and have mitigated the accumulative domino effects on all areas of your life, then please send me the details of whatever witchcraft your relied on.

I say all this, as a fellow AuDHDer, and ex police officer and a mature student of law with two children going through the SEND process. One now I’ve taken out of school, due to the aforementioned. I have interrupted my studies and for the next year am consulting on neurodiversity issues and setting out to change the system, with some ‘radical’ ways to change this. (aka using common sense).

are you able to get treatment for it?

Stephen, TJ, and LJ – you have described exactly what I’m going through. I have recently been diagnosed with both bipolar too and HD HD. I am going to try the tools suggested but I agree. I will have difficulty dealing any of it. All I can do is try. However, I am absolutely paralyzed with the small things and smallest tasks. I am hopeful that using the tools will help me in some type of way. Thank you for posting your experiences. It really is so helpful.

See , for me, splitting the tasks, setting them up w all associated things so that they’re ready for me just uses up all the motivational energy I had worked to accumulate altogether. Sooooo many times I find myself on my living room floor, neatly combined “subtasks” outlined around me, now completely depleted, defeated and HEAVY with exhaustion. It felt good during, but then I need a few days to recover and every intention is forgotten. So awful.

My wife has been dealing with my untreated ADHD for over 20 years now and it definitely has put a strain on our relationship. Although she acknowledges that I have it and recognizes all the many symptoms, she still feels I use it as a crutch and excuse for not getting things done. What’s worse is that she dated a man with ADHD that worked very hard, got things done and managed to use some of the symptoms to his advantage to accomplish various goals. He was also in great physical condition and would never be considered lazy or un-motivated. Every time I mention my ADHD when discussing following through with various projects, I’m reminded of this guy and how well he managed his ADHD, just reinforcing the idea that I’m just using it as an excuse.

It’s pretty ironic that the symptoms we exhibit are the same ones that prevent many of us (me, anyway) from following through with the suggested tips and strategies in this article. I’m in my mid fifties now, undiagnosed (professionally) and untreated all my life and self motivating to do anything helpful to combat the ADHD paralysis ends up in frustration and a whole lot of self pity. I know of some people who have been diagnosed with ADHD but manage to use it to they’re advantage in some way, like hyper-focusing on a project to get it done for example. Those individuals also always seem to be in great physical shape and have a have a pretty steady exercise routine (something I’ve never been able to stick to). At my age, I’m hesitant to seek professional help and start any medications to combat the symptoms. All my life I’ve felt (and have been told) that I’m just lazy, uncommitted and never living up to my potential. Now, at my age and dealing with unstable employment situations, I’m in a panic mode that just makes everything so much worse.

I know that following all these tips and strategies would be helpful, but it’s the actual following part that often doesn’t pan out. The most helpful suggestions definitely come from actual individuals suffering from life-long ADHD. Everyone is different still, so a collection of various “success” stories would be a great resource. Maybe one or two might resonate with someone who can relate to a similar life-time circumstances and provide some helpful management tips in dealing with their specific symptoms/problems.

YES! Thank you, Steven and TJ! Finally, some validation from people who get it. Well said both of you.
I wonder if we will ever find a way to manage these symptoms that are beyond crippling at times and always manage to make things worse when you need to be on your A game.

Thank you Steven, I am RIGHT there with you. In complete crisis due to this paralysis right now in my life and having no support while my life spirals is also devastating. I can’t even even find an adhd coach to help. I have reached out to so many. I am sick of articles saying get support but then it is impossible to do that also.

Exactly, your post completely resonates with me Steven.
Some of these suggestions are the same neurotypical solutions/ways of doing and being that we have all been advised to do 1000 times before and we can’t, for the exact reason that we have ADHD. Suggestions 1&2 are essentially just descriptions of someone who is neurotypically organised. Someone who can, on a daily basis without crippling avoidance, emotional energy, anxiety etc. sit down and accurately identify, classify, prioritise, predict time for completion and schedule tasks and sub tasks. If I could do that on a daily basis then I would not have some of the classic symptoms of ADHD.

To suggest these kind of neurotypical tools that all of us with ADHD have been told to do 1000 times before and criticised our whole lives for not being able to do like other neurotypical people, is just perpetuating our frustration, disempowerment and placing neurotypical solutions and expectations on neurodivergent people. This kind of stuff is often given in place of the medical/therapy community not really having answers or effective sustainable strategies. However, if they don’t have answers, don’t just repeatedly suggest things that for most of a group of people are next to impossible in any sustainable way. You wouldn’t do this with a physical trait, like in my case, make suggestions on how to listen more carefully, when I have a hearing impairment.

I am not suggesting there aren’t people with ADHD who can do these things, and there are many people with ADHD who journal and find it easy to write down thoughts on a daily basis. However, if they can do those things, then they don’t need them suggested to them and for the vast majority of people with ADHD we find these kinds of neurotypical executive functioning tasks next to impossible in a long term sustainable way.

For if someone has the issues described, just being told to break up various tasks into “smaller pieces”, actually means there are even more tasks to complete! In my life, it doesn’t matter much if it’s a big thing, or a little thing to do, paralysis is paralysis, so getting anything done often seems insurmountable. Whether it’s something that would take 15mins or a couple hours, if the problem is just getting started, just doing it, the time involved in accomplishing it, is pretty much irrelevant.

I make lists, I will narrow them down sometimes, to just a few things, that are high priority, and I can usually do at least one or two, maybe. Some things have been on the to-do list for literally years, which can be pretty depressing, when I come across them years later, and see some of the same things on there, from 2, 3, or even 5 or 10 years ago! And many on the list are even things I want to do, so it’s not about putting off I don’t want to do, it’s just about putting nearly everything off. That’s what paralysis is….

do it. life. you like I, are on your own. put them aside as fast as you can. get help from those that care. simple fact. if they can’t recognize your Add and everyone else does. they are your only problem.
my life was destroyed before I realized this in life.

And I don’t seem to be able to finish 0.5h and feel motivated enough to take a break and move on to the next 0.5h. Instead, I finish 0.5h and then I don’t want to do it today!

What to do, very confused and anxious.

Hi, Emerald —
You might try taking the ADHD Self-Report Scale Symptom Checklist on this site. Go to https://add.org/, then click on Free ADHD Test. You can then choose either the Online Test or Paper Test.
The assessment was compiled by professional psychiatrists and takes about 5 minutes to complete. I found my results very helpful.
If you see your several of your answers are in the gray boxes, you can print out your results and show them to your parents or a trusted teacher or doctor. Your concerns deserve to be taken seriously.

I want to thank the author of this article for their time, research, and for helping me figure out what to do next. Completing these next steps will hopefully give me a push in the right direction toward success. 🙂

Thank you again, so, so much!
Bye

I’ve slowly been falling into the negative side of this ADHD Paralysis and have always thought it was me being lazy, procrastinating, making bad choices and choosing fun and exciting stimuli (gaming with mates) over discipline.

I didn’t consider that I actually have ADHD until my wife said what she had recently been reading about ADHD sounded just like me. I have done lots of personality tests and have reasoned that aspects of ADHD are just my personality. Perhaps not helped by not having major ADHD (who knows at this point?) has meant I have slipped under the radar, especially as I was growing up society didn’t understand these things and I was just considered a naughty child; always messing around instead of doing my work, getting distracted when I should have been paying attention, etc.

I am going to talk to my doctor to ask if I can get diagnosed as to whether I have ADHD or not. I kind of hope that I have so that I can finally get help to address this dysfunctional way of life I’m leading and seriously get focused so that I can actually begin a career in graphic design!